Fatigue

This flare is kicking my ass.

The pain I can handle for the most part. I've had a lifetime with it so unless it gets to the point where I can't function then I can deal. The fatigue however is almost debilitating. That's the part I'm having a hard time with right now and the part I know my kids don't understand. All I want to do is sleep ALL DAY LONG and if I could, Lord knows I would. I have no energy to do much or anything and the small things I wind up doing zap any energy I may have had. It takes all my strength and motivation to do much of anything.

We have barely left the house this week and a lot of the week has been spent watching TV (and I seriously pass out hard core while they watch) or my telling the kids to play quietly, leave me alone, let mommy rest. They're now stir crazy and I understand that. I wish I could force myself to not be so tired, be able to keep my eyes open… Sometimes I do think this can be one of the worst things about a Crohn's flare, especially when you're a stay at home mom, in the summer, with two small kids. Because fatigue like this makes you unable to do anything. It takes all my energy just to do the little things, never mind everything else. This fatigue feels like I haven't slept in DAYS when, in reality, I've been getting a good amount of sleep. Even my husband, who is usually really good about understanding my illness says: "just go to bed earlier tonight"

Ohhhh….if it were only that easy! Yes, I do have to get work done before bed and yes, sometimes that can keep my up later than I want but still, even with that, I am averaging 8-9 hours of sleep a night before a small person wakes me up in the morning. When fatigue like this hits…. my need for sleep is unsatisfied no matter how much I get. I am sure I'll sleep a lot this weekend and I won't feel any better than I do right now. That's the problem when fatigue hits. No matter how much sleep you get…it doesn't change how you feel when you're awake. This is what the Mayo Clinic has to say about fatigue and it sounds about right for me:

Chronic fatigue is a nearly constant state of weariness that develops over time and diminishes your energy and mental capacity. Fatigue at this level impacts your emotional and psychological well-being, too.

Fatigue isn't the same thing as sleepiness, although it's often accompanied by a desire to sleep — and a lack of motivation to do anything else.

Tomorrow I am rallying and we'll be making a day trip to the lake with some friends. I know I'll be pretty much down for the count by the time we get home and I can only hope the kids will be as well. Hopefully I don't get too tired driving as that has been an issue when I've had these flares and this particular symptom in the past.

I just keep hoping I'll wake up tomorrow and this flare will have passed. It has to at some point, right?