Friends and Faith and Prayer

I got to see my friend Tasha this week. She is one of my best friends, like a sister to me, and is away for work in Paris for a few years. She came to town for a quick visit and it was so incredibly good to see her. I miss her already but we had some good quality time together and I am just overjoyed that I got to spend time with her. We talked, laughed, were goofy together - all the things you love about a best friend. Our time together was too short but it was better than no time at all! She'll be back in August for her next visit and I am already counting down the days until she returns :-)

Tuesday she saw my posting on Facebook about how I was feeling about my doctor appointment, surgery (or lack of) and got me out for some much needed time together. We ate, drank and sang karaoke. I talked to her a bit about how I was feeling about it all, about the options and a few other things. She had some good advice and she gave me some things to think about.

My other sister-type best friend Kacey has suggested a healing service at church more than once. I am a bit apprehensive about this for a few reasons.

1. I am still out of my comfort zone with church in general. 
2. I don't really like attention on me when I am in a situation where I am shy.
3. I am not quite sure I really believe that people praying for me can actually heal me.

Tasha pointed out that it couldn't hurt and that she does believe in the power of prayer. She had a good story about this as well. Which reminded me about the time Kacey said a prayer for me to help my pain go away - and it did for a few days. At the time she did not tell me how she prayed I would feel. But I felt exactly the way she prayed I would. Probably not a coincidence. A skeptic would say I told her how I felt and she just said that's what she wanted me to feel. But… I know Kacey well enough to know that she doesn't lie. And especially not about something like this. She's got this crazy awesome faith that I just don't know that I'll ever have - not in the same way she does. It's something I am kind of in awe of and admire about her. Anyway, I suppose Tasha is right. It couldn't hurt to go to the service. However I am not sure it would work if I didn't believe that it could and I am only probably halfway there. I want to believe it would and only because of that one instance do I think there is something to it. But I feel like I would be uncomfortable with attention on me like that.

I guess one way to not be so shy and uncomfortable in a situation is to just do it. I haven't been scared off from church yet. I am taking everything in but it's taking me time. I am still a bit shy at church but can feel myself getting more comfortable the more I go. I do enjoy it and wouldn't go if I didn't want to be there. I mean, really, I am not getting out of my pajamas on a Sunday morning for something I don't want to do. I guess I am just waiting for that point where I just have this faith and believe everything I am hearing/reading/observing. It's coming but it's coming really slow.

I am just struggling a lot with the options I have as far as the Crohns is concerned. I'll know more after my appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday but the options presented to me thus far are:

1. wait and see - keeping the stoma (and my daily pain) and going for repeat colonoscopies to see if I heal or,
2. remove my colon and get a lovely permanent illeostomy.

Neither of these options seem good to me and I feel like no matter which I chose, I'll regret it in some way. It feels like a lose-lose situation to me. However, if I can gather up some faith then maybe, maybe, a healing service could help me. I guess you never know. I just don't know how to believe that it can happen - even with the little bit of proof I already have to back it up. I've got two important people in my life suggesting I give it a try - maybe I should listen.