Yes, my kids ARE worth it!

I've heard it more than once from doctors and even friends and family. But yes, having my kids and taking the risk that my disease would flare up bad was worth it and I'd do it again in a second.

IN. A. SECOND.

My doctors from the get-go didn't want me having kids. Your disease is severe they said. It could get worse they said. I was advised against having children.

I ignored that. Right or wrong - I made the choice to start a family with my husband. No, my husband and I made the choice together knowing the risks.

I was lucky with my son. I found out I was pregnant about a week after New Years Eve in 2009. I went into remission with that pregnancy and stayed that way until he was about 6 -9 months old. That was a wonderful time. The only time since I was 10 that I had consistent pain free, no symptom days. And I had none. NOT ONE.

I was warned that while it was possible that would happen with a second pregnancy, it wasn't likely. But… I wasn't done. I still had my heart set on at least two children and I really REALLY wanted a daughter.

My husband and I decided to roll that dice. We had trouble getting pregnant the second time. My GI doctor told me to take that as a sign and just not have any more. Instead… we sought out fertility treatments.

I knew I was pregnant before a test told me I was because my disease flared worse than it ever had ever in my life. I lost 30 pounds during my pregnancy with my daughter. I was sick the entire time. I've lost about another 40 since she's been in the world. I am the skinniest I have ever been in my life.

She'll be two in a couple weeks and I am still recovering from that flare. If you know me then you know how it went since she's been in the world. More time in the hospital than home, two surgeries and no more colon.

But hear this, and please don't judge me:

I would do it all over again even if I knew all this would happen. I would do it again because my kids are my world. I love them and can't even fathom life without them in it. I don't regret having them. I hate how this disease has been so active and led to the stoma and the ostomy bag and being dependent on the help of others but I do NOT regret my decision to have them.

I KNOW I will get better and things will get easier. I already do feel better than I did. My life will never be the same and that's OK. I am glad I didn't listen to my GI doctors - even if you think it was a stupid, selfish decision.

I do want another child someday but if we do decide to have another one (my health permitting) - that child will not be biological. I got a tubal ligation when my daughter was born. While I don't regret for one second that I had her - there is no way I can go through another pregnancy. I am sad about that sometimes. I'll never get to feel a baby kick inside me or get that cute baby bump but I feel incredibly lucky that I got to do that twice - it was pretty cool.

No matter what I went through, I now get to raise these two bundles of awesome, and that really does make all of this OK: